


Between A Rock And A Hard Place

by Kerkerian



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Aftermath, Episode: s05e10 Diamond + Quake + Carbon + Comms + Tower, Fix-It of Sorts, Friendship/Love, Introspection, Late Night Conversations, MacRiley on the horizon, Missing Scene, relationships, riley's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 07:54:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30018558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kerkerian/pseuds/Kerkerian
Summary: Once he's been released from the hospital a week after Murdoc, Mac shows up at Riley's doorstep late at night.
Relationships: Angus MacGyver & Desiree "Desi" Nguyen, Riley Davis & Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 60





	Between A Rock And A Hard Place

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own MacGyver.
> 
> Of course, the end wouldn't stop bugging me, so this happened.
> 
> Also: as I've said before, #JackDaltonLives. The team just doesn't know it yet. =)

It didn't exactly begin in Germany, though something was definitely set in motion in that destroyed building in Karlsruhe. Something that shifted the fabric of their relationship.

Before Phoenix 2.0, as she's secretly begun to call it, Riley thought of Mac as a good friend, as someone she was closer to than a mere colleague because they regarded themselves as family. She cared for him and she worried about him when she had reason to, but she didn't bother herself with the precise nature of his susceptibilities because Jack had it covered. They were in safe hands with him, and Mac seemed to be doing alright.

Miraculously, that still seemed to be the case after Jack left to hunt down Kovac; they never talked about it, but Riley didn't understand how Mac could just continue, apparently not at all affected by the sudden and resonating absence of the person who'd been like a father to them and protected them with his life. In fact, back then Riley was actually a little mad at Mac for behaving so perfectly normal when she herself missed Jack so much that she started to cry at odd times.

Desi was all right, after their initial irritation, and she was good at her job, but she wasn't Jack.

And then the Phoenix was disbanded. It came as a bit of a surprise that Desi and Mac eventually got together, since they didn't appear very affectionate around one another, but Riley didn't think she had any right to judge, and she wasn't exactly jealous back then, only... not entirely convinced.

Somehow, they subsequently lost touch, and even if he's a strange kind of guy sometimes, Riley'll be forever grateful that Russ Taylor resurrected their agency because she'd at one point have gone mad otherwise. If she hadn't had Aubrey at the time, she probably would have.

The day Mac walked into the store, it felt like they'd never been apart, therefore it came as a complete shock to see the state of his house.

Mac himself seemed okay at first glance, but she knew, from Bozer and his movie productions, that Mac was a skilled actor. He'd also been a spy, so he knew how to put up appearances. What she saw when she walked into his home for the first time in more than half a year however was alarming.

It had Riley glancing at Mac surreptitiously ever so often during their impromptu meeting as a newly installed team, made her try and look beyond the surface, and that's when she noticed just how thin he had become, how tired his eyes looked, how much unhappiness he radiated.

She knew that Desi and he had broken up (from Bozer, because she hadn't talked to either Mac or Desi in such a long time), but she wasn't sure that that was the only reason. None of them were in a particularly good place after losing their jobs and the prospect of a similarly interesting career, but with Mac, something seemed off.

When he almost sacrificed himself to stop that torpedo, it nearly broke Riley's heart, because it showed her how little he valued his life back then. How readily he'd have given it up, once again. From that moment on, she looked at Mac differently, always tried to gauge how he was feeling, because she had finally realized just how fragile he could be, how easily shaken. And without Jack, no one was there to pick up the pieces.

And then Karlsruhe happened, where he unexpectedly opened up to her, and it almost broke Riley's heart a second time. Mac shouldn't be alone, shouldn't have to bear any of his concerns, his grievances, his pain on his own, and yet there he was, telling her that he was afraid of dying alone, and it made her feel guilty and fiercely protective of him because he seemed so forlorn. It also made her realize that she had been wrong: Jack's absence affected him worse than she had assumed.

She felt somewhat helpless too, because back then, Desi and Mac seemed to be willing to try again, and Riley didn't want to interfere. Also, she was with Aubrey, who was already seeing much less of her since the Phoenix had been reopened; what little leisure time she had, she wanted to spend with him.

Once Aubrey had dumped her, she still ended up at Mac's place. In hindsight, she probably just wasn't thinking clearly, though if she is brutally honest with herself, she didn't think at all that night, only listened to her bruised heart, and in her search for warmth and safety, Mac seemed the logical person to turn to. He had always been kind and honest and gentle, after all. It wasn't complicated to be with him, on the contrary.

Everything that transpired after that, Mac's father's death and Codex, only served to confirm her earlier observations: the one thing Mac couldn't hack were his own emotions.

At the time, he seemed brittle and used to draw back into himself, but Riley was certain he'd never betray the Phoenix.

From her own experience, she knew how the kind of despair Mac was experiencing wasn't only able to bring a person to their knees but also to help them persevere, crazy as it seemed, since it made them focus on whatever was essential at that point. So she trusted that Mac knew what he was doing when he went rogue, because the one thing he was not was a traitor, or someone who'd willingly hurt the people who were important to him.

All she could think about, as she set off to find him and that girl Scarlett, were two things: Mac's reaction after Lasky died and what Jack would do.

Once more, Mac thought he was at fault for something that had happened, and even though they all had tried to talk him out of it, he considered himself a murderer, once more making his own life worth less in his own opinion.

Riley feared that this time, he _was_ going to sacrifice himself if no one stopped him. Also, Jack wouldn't for a second have believed that Mac had gone rogue. He'd have done the exact same thing Riley was doing, and even though he wasn't there, she felt as though he was approving.

Well. They survived Codex and somehow muddled through, all of them, even if it did leave them a little worse for wear: Mac in particular not only because he lost yet another family member and, even though he tried not to let it on, the readiness with which Desi and Russ had believed him to have changed sides had shaken him profoundly, but also because after all that, Lasky was still dead and he was still having to live with his guilt.

And Riley had to watch Desi and him struggle with their relationship, at the same time unable to stop her own feelings for Mac to deepen. She wished it was different, but she was helpless to do anything about it.

Long after Karlsruhe, she could still recall the feeling of Mac's rapidly beating heart after they had almost been smashed to bits by the falling bomb in that stairwell, but also how good it felt to be held by him, because despite everything, he's also strong. Much more so than he looks, and that's something she's grateful for, especially when people like Murdoc interfere with their lives.

After Jack's death she thought it couldn't get much worse than that, but it turns out she was wrong.

Falling apart while watching Mac doing the same and still being unable to help either him or herself? Not something she ever wanted to repeat. Watching Mac being beaten by Murdoc though- that's unbearable.

And now he's standing in front of her doorstep about a week later, and her heart goes out to him because he's only been released from the hospital earlier today, and he still looks awful.

“Mac!”, Riley says, making way to let him in, because he's swaying a little, and since his left arm is in a sling, his balance is probably off. He doesn't say anything, just looks at her apologetically with those puppy dog eyes, and Riley immediately knows what this is about. And that she's been fooling herself when she thought she had buried her feelings for him. Which, technically, doesn't mean they're gone anyway, only that they're being avoided.

“What are you doing here?” she asks once they've both sat down. “Shouldn't you be at home, resting?”

“I've been resting for a week,” Mac replies softly, a hint of irritation in his tone. He's still pale though and moving around slower than usual: no surprise there, considering how badly bruised he still is.

Riley inclines her head: “You know what I mean.”

Mac looks around the room before his gaze meets hers once more: “Did it work?”

Riley feels her stomach jolt. She has visited Mac every day in Medical, but they didn't talk about _it_ , not once. Yet here he is, and getting straight to the point too, apparently.

“Did what work?” she asks nevertheless, stalling for time.

There's the slightest hesitation before he answers: “Hiding your emotions and letting them pass. Because I can't pretend that I didn't hear those things you said. So... did they go away?”

Riley blinks, feeling panic rising up in her. She's been afraid of losing him if he ever found out.

“I...,” she says slowly, annoyed when her eyes begin to well up. “I'm trying.” She can't lie to him.

For a moment, it's terribly silent, and Riley's heart is beating almost painfully in her chest.

“But it didn't work?” Mac then asks, his voice gentle.

Riley closes her eyes: “No,” she whispers, tears running down her cheeks. “It didn't. I'm sorry.”

“Don't be,” Mac now says, sounding somewhat breathless. “I'm glad, actually.”

After a moment of comprehension, Riley opens her eyes again; to her surprise, there's a small smile playing around the corners of Mac's mouth.

“What?” she asks, her voice brittle.

Mac runs his good hand over his face: “During quarantine, after I broke that glass... it felt as though we kinda... had a moment there.”

Riley remembers it vividly. “Yeah,” she confirms, her voice barely audible. “We did.”

Something in Mac's expression softens, as if he's relieved that it's true, but then he looks downtrodden. “I was pretty blind, huh?” he mutters.

Riley opens her mouth and closes it again, lost for words, her mind reeling with the implications of what he just said; Karlsruhe comes to mind. But there's still the elephant in the room.

“You were going to propose to Desi,” she hears herself say. “You probably would have by now, if Murdoc hadn't interrupted everything.”

Pain is visible in Mac's features now, raw and unchecked. “I know,” he says gravelly. “This is such a mess, Riles. I feel like... like I just woke up and am finally able to see things for what they really are.”

Riley regards him: he sounded very young and vulnerable right now, and she wishes she had a solution. Which she doesn't. So she just waits for him to continue.

“Desi and I,” he accordingly says after a moment. “We're a good team when it comes to our job. I thought... for a while there, I thought if that's what it takes for us to work, the adrenaline and a certain pressure, well... then getting married might just be the right thing. When you're married, it sort of counts more, right?” He laughs humorlessly: “Boy, I was so stupid.”

Riley takes a deep breath: “Neither of us have exactly been in our right minds recently,” she says in order to console him. “Don't beat yourself up too much.” The world just hasn't been the same without Jack, after all.

“Still,” Mac mutters, “I should've... I dunno. Stopped to think about it. Or maybe talked to someone about it sooner.”

They are both silent again.

“Mac,” Riley eventually says, and she can't keep her voice from trembling, but she needs to know. “What are you doing here?”

Mac, who's been staring at his knees, worries his lower lip for a moment before he looks up and at her: “I talked to Desi earlier,” he replies. “We both agreed that we're not going to get married. And..." He pauses, inhaling somewhat tremulously. "... That we're better off as friends. Colleagues. I just... thought you should know.”

Riley stares at him, horrified: "I didn't mean to break you up."

"You didn't!" Mac hurries to say. "No, it's... if I had proposed, we'd probably have ended up in the exact same predicament. And it might even have been worse."

Riley isn't sure whether she should feel relieved; she's sorry for them, despite everything. Desi is her friend too, after all.

Mac regards her: “You should also know... that I didn't forget that moment in the kitchen.” He sounds shy all of a sudden, and a little tired. “But... things are complicated right now.”

“Whoa,” Riley says, straightening up a little. “You're not thinking what I think you are, right?”

Mac looks confused, which would be adorable if the situation were a different one: “I... don't know?”

“You're not thinking we should date because the way's clear now, are you?” she clarifies, feeling bold as she does so.

Mac immediately recoils: “ _No_ , of course not! That's not what I meant at all!” And now he looks hurt, and that's something Riley really can't bear.

“What did you mean, then?” she asks.

“I just meant... for one, if your feelings didn't go away, it might be easier from now on.” He blushes a little. “And... well... that I'll try and stop being an idiot. Listen to my heart once in a while. See what'll come of it.”

Riley can't help it, a smile slowly spreads on her face. “You're not an idiot,” she said. “Just... romantically inept.”

Mac shakes his head: “Still sounds like an idiot to me.”

They regard one another for a while.

“What about Desi?” Riley says softly. “We're still a team. I really like her.”

Nodding, Mac lets his gaze stray around the room once more: “It won't be easy,” he muttered. “We've been through worse, though.”

Riley nods. “Losing the love of your life, however...,” she then says softly.

“But that's the point,” Mac objects. “We deluded ourselves into thinking that we were... that. We both agreed that we were wrong in that regard, and in hindsight, it all makes sense. Or not, depending on how you look at it.”

“Emotions aren't a science,” Riley quotes, eliciting a feeble smile.

“Exactly.” Mac sounds a little sad now. “I think... in my case, I was just afraid to lose another person that was important to me. So I wanted it to work, even though it mostly didn't. We're too different, she and I. I just wish... I could've spared her the disappointment.”

"And yourself," Riley mumbles, because she feels that he needs to hear it.

Mac nods half-heartedly; there it is again, his penchant for considering himself the villain. One of the many reasons why he needs someone to help him get out of his head sometimes.

“You're a loyal guy, Mackie,” Riley says with a soft smile. “Nothing wrong with that. And when it comes to losing people... I get it.”

“Thanks.” Mac reaches for her with his good hand, and she takes it, squeezing it gently.

“I should go.” Mac says after a moment.

“How did you get here? You didn't drive one-armed, did you?”

“No, I walked.”

“Want me to drive you home?”

“Nah, thanks. I'll just walk back.”

“You up to that?” She looks sceptical.

“If it turns out I'm not, I can still call an Uber.” Mac smiles ever so minutely, and Riley can tell that he's sad. Desi may not be the love of his life, but he loves her nevertheless, and of course he hates hurting her.

“You're a good guy,” she says softly as she hugs him goodbye; for a moment, he tenses, but he doesn't protest, just looks at her with those honest, trusting blue eyes of his afterwards, making her feel protective of him all over again. Making her want to hug him; kiss him. Just to give him something gentle in return. As usual, she tamps it down, but somehow, it doesn't feel so hopeless anymore.

Hours after Mac's left, Riley is still pondering matters. She'll talk to Desi, maybe have a girl's night out with her, just the two of them, if Desi wants to at all. Riley hopes that she does, but if she doesn't, that she's going to find it in her to forgive Riley one day.

She sighs, and before she can quell it, she suddenly feels all jittery. If this unexpected visit made one thing very clear, it's that her feelings for Mac are as strong as before, maybe even still increasing. And what he said earlier... maybe there's a chance, despite the circumstances. How exactly that'd go down is beyond her, but Mac made it snow for her once: who said miracles didn't exist? She can practically hear Jack's voice in her head, telling her that the truth was out there, after all, and only because Area 51 had been relocated, it didn't mean that there weren't any flying saucers, so who knew what else was possible?

She reaches for the Dallas Cowboys snuggie and hugs it: they'll still have a long way to go in every regard, and Mac was right, it's probably not going to be easy at first. On the other hand: when did they ever back away from a challenge?

 _That's my girl_ , Jack says tenderly in her mind.

With another sigh, Riley closes her eyes.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm not a Native Speaker, therefore I apologize for any mistakes.


End file.
